Friday, December 18, 2009

Clear thinking

Ada orang tanya.. ‘dot, who are you..? what are you..?’. Ada yang kata – ‘dot, u r so full of contradictions.’ Ada jugak yang cakap – ‘dot, I just don’t understand you la’.Ada yang bagi flattering remarks ‘dot, u ni baik sgt lah – susah’. Ada yg heran ‘dot! why didn’t you..?’

For some cosmic reason, though meticulously configured, I think I have been ‘inadvertently’ left out of the mainstream..(a plus? a minus?- I don’t know..). The fact is, not everyone is an orthodox. In life mmg kena ada warna-warna yang lain sket. While some people are looking for the comfort of a safe, predictable and foreseeable passage, I never scream for the same crossing, I find them a little too cramped, - everything nampak mcm so ‘lined up’ - not twisted enough ! To me if they aren’t twisted, they are either repetitive, rehearsed or repeated, cyclical even. Don’t get me wrong, repetitive isn’t awful, I’m sure over time we can inched our way to perfection that way. It’s just me….I don’t believe in perfection, to me they are just an illusion.

So, in my life, I keep chopping and changing my mind about my plans, because I don’t see real needs to settle things down - long before they need to be settled down…the more choppy the plan, the better wud be the outcome, I guess. Of course there are times I don’t make much sense to a lot of people, frens included, but I never find any triumph in making sense anyway, they are just a matter of perspective. (..the half full, half empty glass?). The only person you have to make sense to, is yourself. Nvm the price..

(Diversion: Sounds macam so vain eh!?, mcm tom cruise, macam keanu reaves, macam all those people with looks and everything, but I don’t have all that. My problem is I can only stay in the mainstream for like a minute..i feel so insecure there).

Tapi tu la pulak, biasa nyer there’s always another party at the other end, another soul..and most of time they find these chopping and changing, very irritating…hmm.

I never want to hurt anybody and I never try to change anybody.

And going by mortal standard, yes you can say I am a man with contradictions - but aren’t we all?.

My point..? Ask Avril.

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