Friday, December 18, 2009

Shade of confrontation...

I woke up to the deafening sound of nothing – total silence! (..LOL! they say sometimes it’s good to start with a cliché..).But it’s 4.30am!!! And I should be sleeping.

Grrr!! Who wants to be up at this hour, nobody! I don’t need the serenity, I just want to sleep. I have no real mess in my life..except err..mmm, owh nvm, I never leave my cul de sac anyway, so why waking up at 4.30am is becoming a norm lately..

This is the third time I’m saying that we are a function of our thoughts, here in my blog. So me waking up at 4.30am, must have something to do with what I have on my mind… or my thought rather. But I was asleep, how would I know what was on my mind. Maybe my mind took a short trip into some neurotic episodes, I don’t know. It’s 4.30am, I don’t want to think of anything at 4.30am.

But things do get a little more incomprehensible sometimes. I speak and act faster than I think. It’s reflexive but sporadic. And there are times I scarcely recognize myself. Is that the reason why..? Waking up at 4.30am?. I need to do a quick check here….

I’m still crystal with where I’m going. Yeah I know, procrastination is such a dirty word, but hey, everyone stagnates at one point or another, I’m sure I’ll get to that soon enough.

Relationship?, this is where I go grey. I must admit I have been staring at the sun, and in all those brightness I see nothing..

Didn’t they say the important thing is to recognize your grey areas …right?

For the past 3 yrs, I never want to try to appeal to anyone. Never, not even once. (ok…maybe a few times ), but that’s hormonal. In all sincerity, I’m quite happy the way I am ( hmm..i know, the standard line of denials..). but some of the things that men and women do to each other are still shockingly brutal.

I don’t want to go out of this single world, not now anyway. There are much less subterfuge here.. Besides, otherness never raided my sleep before.

Maybe I’m just tired, tired of pretending and tired of denying. Or maybe Alice doesn’t live here anymore… But still, I never want to wake up at 4.30am. Unless of course Alice is here with me, right here right now…LOL that would have been a totally different story altogether, neurotic would then be spelled - erotic! OK I wont dwell on Alice being here at 4.30am…

Wait! who says waking up at 4.30am has something to do with some disorder of some kind? Maybe this is just a fleeting thing…very fleeting thing. Just like love, life and happiness…

Mahathir and Mahaleel..I’m all with u.. I may not know the real politics behind it all, but our national car is definitely our pride, it should therefore be handled as such - with passion and intensity. I wont even try staring at the sun to see if there is honor and substance in having VW running and waving their wands around in Proton… cos I know it will just amounts to nothing, pride-wise.

Salut and all my 10 lovely frens.

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